Halloween requires us to dig a little deeper in our attempts to maintain some sense of normalcy for our family. The thing is, we have a void that will never be normal. We regularly push through the heaviness to keep joy alive for Scarlett, and for each other, though it weighs on us that a part of our family is missing. Blake’s absence is felt everyday, but even more on special occasions that traditionally are memory-makers.
Though last year was our first Halloween without Blake, I can’t help but think we will wonder many of the same questions for years to come. This year, he would be four. What would he have wanted to be this year? What would he be interested in? Would spooky things still scare him? (He didn’t like the Halloween decoration isles at stores.) What type of candy would be his favorite? Would we continue to tease him for being weary of that kid dressed as a pickle? I’m pretty sure we would. That kid freaked him out by just existing, and it was hilarious.
For his first Halloween, he was just six months old and didn’t get a say in his costume. I thought he’d make a cute Charlie Brown, and I was right.
The next year, his sister called the shots. She loved the recycling guy, Isaac, and they both looked forward to trash pick-up days each week. It was a no-brainer for them both to join the Waste Management team that year. Bapa (their name for grandpa) helped make a pretty slick WM garbage truck shell to cover the stroller, and the two of them rolled in style between houses collecting their treats.
Blake made the costume decision the following year. His love for cheeseburgers easily translated into wanting to be one. We all got onboard with Scarlett as french fries, and Rob and I as ketchup and mustard. Bapa again transformed the double stroller into an awesome McDonalds branded container, golden arches and all, making up our favorite family costume as the McDavis Happy Meal.
We are lucky to have had those experiences and made those Halloween memories. They make us smile, laugh and joke – even if through tears. And while we’d give anything for Blake to be physically present, we’re confident he is still right here with us in spirit.
It’s a weird year, but cherish the memories made today… Happy Halloween 🎃