I haven’t felt Blake’s presence much lately or seen many signs. His reminders and people’s good deeds often fuel my heart, especially when things are tough, and it’s been nearing empty. Things surely haven’t been easy recently and we could just use a break. We’ve talked about a road trip or going back to Hawaii (Rob and I got married there), or anywhere that’s not here, but it’s been hard to make something happen.
Today I woke up with Blake heavy on my mind and really feeling the gravity of his loss. Maybe it’s just that life is hard right now, or maybe the fact that tomorrow marks five months without him.
The morning started by walking Scarlett to a nearby park. On our way, she stopped and said, “Mama, remember when Bockies and I used to pick up dirt and put it up here (pointing to the top of a fire hydrant). That was fun. He was my best friend.” *Sigh* I praised her for sharing that recollection as my heart broke into a thousand more pieces. I knew in that moment he was on her mind too.
Late afternoon, we decided to go to a pizza place we hadn’t been to in years. They have an “In and Out” pizza – which is pretty much burger ingredients on your pizza – two of Blake’s favorite things in one. We scored a table right next to the play area, except Scarlett was the only kid. It pains me to watch her play alone, as she and Blake were always our hurricane and tornado duo – having fun and making messes of everything in their path. One of the shelves along the wall had a big stack of books. From across the room she asked me to pick one. I said “I’ll take the yellow one at the bottom of the stack.” She brought it over. It surprisingly had a big lizard on the cover. I smiled, turned it over and the backside told a story about geckos being iconic to Hawaii. I shared it with Rob and we knew he was present.
Then just a few minutes later a little boy came over to play with Scarlett. Rob and I watched the interaction as his mom asked for her name. She said, “My name is Scarlett Davis.” The mom replied, “That’s a pretty name. Scarlett, this is Blake.” Rob and I both about lost it at that moment. We fought back tears but enjoyed watching her play with Blake.
After dinner, we knew we wanted to do something for that family. They don’t know our story, but we wrote them a little note on a napkin stating that we wanted to honor our Blake by doing something special for theirs. A dessert was on the way to their table #ForBlake.
Our hearts are a little more full tonight, and we needed that. Love you forever lil bud.
#gooddeedsforblake #forevergrateful #foreverinourhearts #iloveyousmoochie